...back from WashPA

So I've managed to get myself into this mode where I just think for hours and hours while doing something mindless. Do you want to know what it is that I need so much time to contemplate? Of course you do! So I'll go on to tell you what it is: I LOVE THIS GIRL!

Yeah, yeah, yeah...it's high school all over again, right? Wrong. I've only ever had a crush even remotely like this one other time in my life. Crush? Is that the right word? Whatevs. Either way, I'm sure you're asking yourself "Well what's there to think about?" actually you're probably not. I just really wish someone would ask questions, but nobody ever does so I have to. Well...listen to my elaborate story before being so quick to tell me that my use of the word 'crush' is wrong. Not that rules like English apply to enigmatic things like love.

So this girl, she's pretty much amazing, and when I say that, I of course mean that she's the greatest thing ever, but I don't know that at first because we hadn't actually met IRL until last Friday. Let me tell you all of the things I learned about her:
1.) Introvert-esque: She can hold her own in a social situation, but at the same time I feel special when she takes the time to talk to me :3
2.) Short: OMG, that's kind of shallow of me. Whatever, it's not like anyone's reading anyways. How many people are even subscribed to my journal? I know my sister is, but she never reads it. Besides that, any wandering eyes I made sure to lose at the end of the first couple of sentences. Just an aesthetic preference, just like glasses-wearing.
3.) Glasses-Wearing: Sue me. It gives the face a nice border, not to mention she's just as attractive with them off.
4.) Level-Headed: She's not the type to jump to conclusions or act irrationally without thinking. This might sound sexist, but...womens have a tendency to do that.
5.) Adorkable: Most of the women--like 99.9%--of the women I've met who indulge in things like Japanese culture, fantasy novel reading, or other things that would otherwise label them as 'dorks' (or other variations of the term) all seem to have difficulty with basic hygiene and overall prudence. They're not too great in social situations either.

These are just the 4 main highlights (glasses-wearing and short can be condensed into 'general aesthetics'). I kind of feel like an over-analytical emotionless robot by determining what attributes I admire about a woman and listing them, but not really. I just say that in case anyone else gets that impression from reading this. Then they can see that I realize what I'm doing and that I even feel a little unnatural about it. Of course, it's all a lie. I even established that with the subsequent explanation. That would ruin me if I thought anyone would ever read it. Moving on...

Of course, like with any human being there are some not-so-fandsome attributes, and it's not healthy to ignore them. The last time I did that it was an infatuation which is super unbalanced and not good for anyone. Allow me to go on to explain the cons of this gorgeous intellectual:
1.) Communication: Right well, 'holding your own in a social situation' and 'properly conveying your thoughts and feelings' are two completely different things. Don't get me wrong, we talk a lot about tons of different things, and really this might not even be a valid point because of the circumstances in the which I deemed this a 'not-so-fandsome attribute'. You see, this weekend only afforded me so many days to declare my undying love for this woman, so I decided to do so. I believe my words were "I really like you a lot." because as soon as the word 'love' slips out of my mouth I'd be considered a creep by most people's standards so I decided to play it safe. So she reciprocates by saying "I'm not gonna lie, I like you too." and then there was silence. If that was anyone's fault, it was mine. I hadn't planned that far ahead. I just needed to get it out there. LATER I feel like I need to say more so I do. I mean 'I like you a lot' can be taken a number of ways so I decide to clarify. The word 'love' slips out of my mouth along with some other words, the potency of which are overpowered in my memory banks by the potency of the word 'love'. She responded with something like "I already said that I like you!" so I'm thinking 'Oi, man...you ruined it. You're a creep now.'

...

So I forgot where I was going with that, and I think I even proved myself wrong, while simultaneously reliving a rush of adrenaline and regret. Maybe I just have terrible emotion reception.

I think that made me want to stop writing...

Just lemme wrap up real quick: Usually I'm the one giving advice to people about relationships because I'm super good at it or something, but it's so hard to think straight when you're the one in the situation yourself. Maybe I'm not good at giving relationship advice, but instead, I'm normal at it and love gets into these people's judgement and drives it into a wall and the just need anybody else to help. Dang it, I lost sight of the point of this paragraph again...I'll try that again.

Usually I'm the one giving relationship related advice, but now I need some for me. If you happened to be passing by and managed to make it through all of my...ranting and raving I could really use some help with these main concerns:
1.) She lives a four hour drive away. Whut do I do?!
2.) Oh yeah, she still has a b/f...
3.) Woah, now it sounds like she's totally not interested in me at all. I'm pretty sure she is, I'm fairly certain she is even. We didn't actually kiss, but I told her that I was thinking about it and she was like "I would have enjoyed that (although being in a relationship would've made that much more preferable)."
4.) I just really don't know where to go from here. I'm thinking I should just move out there. Would that be a terrible idea?
5.) I don't actually know how into me she is. I'm kind of afraid that I'm waaaaaaaaaaay too into her and that her interest in me was only initiated with my confession, although I'm PRETTY SURE THAT'S NOT THE CASE. Grr...I just don't want to assume anything. Assuming things gets people in trouble (or so I've heard, and now that I think about it, it was from a pretty shady source. Maybe it's not entirely accurate. Either way, I've never been more nervous about anything in my life so I'm trying to play it safe, but I guess that's not always the best idea either huh?)
6.) I'm like putting everything on the table and trying my hardest to be open about it, which normally wouldn't be an issue because I'm a straightforward kind of guy and say what's on my mind, but for some reason whenever I'm around her my voice gets higher and it's harder for me, not only to sound normal, but for words to escape my throat. I think my confession to her got to the tip of my tongue like fourty-seven times before I actually said it, and even then, the first two times it came out, it crawled right back in.

Crapdangle, this is way too huge for anyone to even bother reading...I guess that keeps me from looking like a fool though. I was never one to openly feel emotions, expressially not love.