Doctors: I hate you and your stupid profession. No, I'm not talking about brain surgeons or cancer researchers or useful doctors. I'm talking about physicians or whatever they're called. Family doctors maybe.
So you're there with the so-called "doctor", and you says to him "I are sick. Fix it." so the doctor does some pointless test things like cotton balls in your mouth, light globes in your ears, etc. Finally he says to you "It's dangerous to go alone, take this." and hands you a bottle of mystery pills. For most people that's enough. For me, it's not. From there I says to him "What does I has?" and he says "LOL, IDK." and I'm like "well what's this nonsense inna bottle?" and he says (louder this time) "LOL! IDK!!11!!" which is justa buncha bull honkey. He might as well be like "Don't tell me anything about what you have, I'm going to try and guess. Also, here. I found this under the sink" and hands you anything from sugar water to a bottle with one of those Mr. Yuck stickers on them. Do you remember those? I do. That makes me feel old, but really I'm not and knowing what those stickers are shouldn't help me to feel old because it's not like those are old. IDK weird...CHOOSE YOUR OWN DECISION-VENTURE
- If you'd like to hear me hate on doctors some more, go to page right-below-here
- If you'd like to hear me continue this tangent spawned from me talking about 'being old' go to ENDING B
ENDING A: but I digress...
So he hands you some stuff that you probably could've gone to the grocery store and bought yourself, but it's more convenient because you don't have to do the guessing because they have a professional to guess for you! And it only cost you eighty-five bucks, and two hours of waiting.
Funny story, my friend diagnosed her own ringworm via Wikipedia, and took it to the doctor, wherein said doctor fit the above mentioned stereotype, labelling the obviously diagnosable ringworm as 'some kinda yeast infection...probably' gave her some who-knows-what which eventually made it worse. The End.
ENDING B: I'm still young enough to have adventures with minimal repercussions, rite? Oh that's right! I haven't told you about my latest adventures! Allow me to do that now:
So hey, I got a job extended to me. Apparently they accept forged teaching licenses out in Pittsburgh. I guess studying graphic design and spending hours in photoshop finally paid off. So I'll be doing that. Ten bucks an hour even! That's almost as much as I got at my last job! ...which was over a year ago... Man I'm lazy. Well I'll be teaching middle school kids as soon as my background clearance checks...clear. IDK how well I'll do, but I hear a teacher's salary is pretty hateful on budgets so I'll be looking for other work too like maybe I could coach softball or dance team...or maybe I'll just go to the mall or something. Being a teacher looks good on a resume right?
The school finds out about my forged certificates and I'm thrown in jail. Your efforts to have a non-crappy ending fail. The End.
2 comments:
Today I climbed into my cousin's van to get a ride home from church and he was talking to one of his siblings on his cell phone, and this sibling was complaining because her heart keeps racing and she's convinced she's going to have a heart attack or something, but she didn't want to go to a doctor because she doesn't think they would take her seriously, and my cousin is like "Tell them you're having pains in your chest. It's like when you call the police and you want them to actually come so you tell them their's a black guy on your porch with a gun; you just say what you have to say to get them to check it."
....wait, you're moving to Pittsburgh?!
...surprise!
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