Hey guys remember me?
Here's how today went: I still haven't been paid for working for two months. Apparently my address isn't legitimate and my paycheck was sent back to the place I work. This happened about a week ago, but I had to call them and be like "What the heck guys?" and they were like "Oh yeah...we forgot to tell you about that." so that was fun. I was planning on using said paycheck to help fund a journey out to Dayton, Ohio to visit my family and bring my new lady-friend to meet them. I was going to ride with a guy who was headed up to some place in Michigan for spring break, but when we google-maps'd it...stopping off in Dayton would practically double his driving time (not to mention the cost of gas). While I guess he hasn't quite said "No." yet, he seemed fairly dodgy about it and I can only understand if he's opposed to the idea. I have it open in another tab right now, and the more I look at it, the less hope I get that he'll eventually get back to me and say "Well, it's a little out of the way, but we'll make it happen (despite your lack of ability to financially contribute)." There's only so far that people will go out of their way for you. Even if they're Mormons.
Still...less frustrating than sewing...
ON THE PLUS SIDE: I have a wonderful girlfriend, and no number of cancelled plans or ruined sewing projects can take that away from me (I suppose technically they could, but that would be quite an epidemic). I'm so lucky to have her, and every morning and every night I get down on my knees and thank Heavenly Father for the unique opportunity that I've had to not only meet her and get to know her, but to start an equally beneficial romantic relationship with her. I would endure all the cancelled trips in the world just to keep going what we have now...
...of course, I definitely wouldn't be opposed to taking the next step in romantic relationship...ing.
02 March, 2009
06 February, 2009
Andy Warhol
LOL, WUT?
Andy Warhol's art is NOT something that I get. It's like the dangerously-eccentric scene where you sit around drinking wine and make profound statements like "Why can't everybody like everybody?" or "After I got a television set I didn't care so much about my relationships with other people." and then have everyone golf-clap at you. It's very appealing, or rather it would be, but I'm in survival mode right now and it totally looks silly. It reminds me a lot of...that old 70's movie 'Tommy' about the deaf dumb and blind kid. You know what I'm talking about? Of course you do. I don't know why it does, but it does. Not to say that that movie was silly, it was pretty good, but I think it exhibits a lot of the same kind of eccentric behaviour. I'm understanding the statement "You can only be considered eccentric if you have money." because I was eccentric once, but now I'm broke and struggling and paying fifteen dollars to get into a museum just isn't something I can eccentric my way into doing anymore [Of course I would anyways with the right kind of incentive (if you know what I mean)].
Speaking of eccentric...
...
I guess that's the end of this blog posting.
Andy Warhol's art is NOT something that I get. It's like the dangerously-eccentric scene where you sit around drinking wine and make profound statements like "Why can't everybody like everybody?" or "After I got a television set I didn't care so much about my relationships with other people." and then have everyone golf-clap at you. It's very appealing, or rather it would be, but I'm in survival mode right now and it totally looks silly. It reminds me a lot of...that old 70's movie 'Tommy' about the deaf dumb and blind kid. You know what I'm talking about? Of course you do. I don't know why it does, but it does. Not to say that that movie was silly, it was pretty good, but I think it exhibits a lot of the same kind of eccentric behaviour. I'm understanding the statement "You can only be considered eccentric if you have money." because I was eccentric once, but now I'm broke and struggling and paying fifteen dollars to get into a museum just isn't something I can eccentric my way into doing anymore [Of course I would anyways with the right kind of incentive (if you know what I mean)].
Speaking of eccentric...
...
I guess that's the end of this blog posting.
27 January, 2009
Four sides of the same coin
two-sided coins was for back when dinosaurs roamed the earth
So there's this coin that I have. OMG posessive verbs. Yes, I collect weird coins (and weirdly collect coins). I appreciate the beauty of weird things like coins and bridges and concrete stairs. Anyways, this coin has two sides: one side is fandsome (because it has a face on it) and the other side is functional, like...having a building on it--or something. I won't give away too much about it right now. I can't afford to have you hearing about it and come and try and steal it away from me. I'll just say that this coin is desirable above all other coins (of this type), and it took me a lot of time and effort to find it/acquire it (for a coin anyways, LOL). So I go through all this nonsensical madness to attain ownership of said coin and I totally got what I paid for...if you consider time and effort to be a price...if that makes sense... What I'm trying to say is that I enjoy the beauty of this coin, but I also enjoy the beauty of what it took to get it. Strangely enough, the two are directly influenced by each other.
So there's this other coin that I used to have. We'll call it 'old coin' and refer to the first coin I mentioned as 'new coin'. I kind of had to spend it for the sake of this other coin and at the time I was like "Yeah, that's cool. I've had enough of this one and I'm fairly certain its had enough of me. LOL." Not like I hated the coin, I just didn't appreciate it as much cause I just found it one day...or whatever. I don't remember exactly how that went. I'm sure I was planning on writing about my coin finding endeavours in my journal that night but it just slipped my mind.
So anyways, I'm having a great time with this new coin, playing sports on the weekends and ditching school to see movies on the weekdays with it, and I wouldn't spend it FOR THE WORLD. Sometimes, however, my thoughts turn to old coin and while I wouldn't want to have it back, there are things about it that I really enjoyed, like...there was this nick on the front of it that like, showed that the coin was made of two different metals. Oh! And grooves! New coin is smooth on the edge and has a spotless complexion (for the most part). These are attributes are kind of opposites, but equally attractive, and there are more, but those are just two that came to mind
IDK, I have this messed up mindset where I see a 'good' and 'better' (and sometimes 'best' is thrown in there) or sometimes it's not even that. Sometimes it's a choice between 'awesome' and 'terrible' no wait, that's a bad example. Those two actually mix pretty well. Let's say a choice between... 'fabulous' and 'unfabulous' and my mindset be's like "WHY CAN'T YOU HAVE BOTH?!" and I'm like "Hey yeah..." so I try to have the two living in perfect harmony when they just don't mix at all. Eventually I end up discovering that I like one much more than the other, but other times I just fail really hard and don't get to have either.
BACK TO THE COIN ANALOGY: er--real story. So there's this part of me that wants to carve grooves into new coin, or "accidentally" nick it or something. I don't even know if this coin has more than one metal so that might not work as well. THE THING IS: then it wouldn't be the coin I worked so hard to get. It wouldn't be the coin that the (respective) government intended me to have. It would be this bastardized no-longer-legal-tender with uneven grooves and a potentially ugly looking nick on it. Do you see the predicament I'm in?
Theoretically, from here, the most ideal situation would be if I were to write a letter to the Korean government saying something like "Please start putting grooves on your coins" but even if they thought that was a good idea or could read English, there's still a matter of the nick which isn't something that anyone plans for. You can't intentionally do something like that and expect to get the same kind of beauty out of it. Plus, if I got exactly what I wanted I wouldn't be happy because things would be out too perfect. Yeah, I'm sure that doesn't make sense, but [most] coins are made of unmallable metals which, again, is part of their beauty. Solidity. Firmness. If the coin I worked so hard to get just started bending to my will, the efforts I made would be in vain. The price I paid would be meaningless.
Ugh, thanks for listening vastness of the Intertrons. I feel better already. You're always there for me when I need you most. Of course, you're there for me when I need you least too. And I guess you're there when I don't need you at all. In fact, now that I think about it, you're there when I'm sick of you. You really need to just back off. You're starting to creep me out and I just need some space mmkay? How about we go on a break for a while? Maybe see some other people? Oh, now...don't cry. We can still be really good friends, I promise. Oh, but my phone is being weird lately so if it seems like I'm avoiding you or not answering your texts it's totally just my phone. Plus I'm...moving...to Canada, where they don't have phones or technology or communication. Please don't try to find me.
So there's this coin that I have. OMG posessive verbs. Yes, I collect weird coins (and weirdly collect coins). I appreciate the beauty of weird things like coins and bridges and concrete stairs. Anyways, this coin has two sides: one side is fandsome (because it has a face on it) and the other side is functional, like...having a building on it--or something. I won't give away too much about it right now. I can't afford to have you hearing about it and come and try and steal it away from me. I'll just say that this coin is desirable above all other coins (of this type), and it took me a lot of time and effort to find it/acquire it (for a coin anyways, LOL). So I go through all this nonsensical madness to attain ownership of said coin and I totally got what I paid for...if you consider time and effort to be a price...if that makes sense... What I'm trying to say is that I enjoy the beauty of this coin, but I also enjoy the beauty of what it took to get it. Strangely enough, the two are directly influenced by each other.
So there's this other coin that I used to have. We'll call it 'old coin' and refer to the first coin I mentioned as 'new coin'. I kind of had to spend it for the sake of this other coin and at the time I was like "Yeah, that's cool. I've had enough of this one and I'm fairly certain its had enough of me. LOL." Not like I hated the coin, I just didn't appreciate it as much cause I just found it one day...or whatever. I don't remember exactly how that went. I'm sure I was planning on writing about my coin finding endeavours in my journal that night but it just slipped my mind.
So anyways, I'm having a great time with this new coin, playing sports on the weekends and ditching school to see movies on the weekdays with it, and I wouldn't spend it FOR THE WORLD. Sometimes, however, my thoughts turn to old coin and while I wouldn't want to have it back, there are things about it that I really enjoyed, like...there was this nick on the front of it that like, showed that the coin was made of two different metals. Oh! And grooves! New coin is smooth on the edge and has a spotless complexion (for the most part). These are attributes are kind of opposites, but equally attractive, and there are more, but those are just two that came to mind
IDK, I have this messed up mindset where I see a 'good' and 'better' (and sometimes 'best' is thrown in there) or sometimes it's not even that. Sometimes it's a choice between 'awesome' and 'terrible' no wait, that's a bad example. Those two actually mix pretty well. Let's say a choice between... 'fabulous' and 'unfabulous' and my mindset be's like "WHY CAN'T YOU HAVE BOTH?!" and I'm like "Hey yeah..." so I try to have the two living in perfect harmony when they just don't mix at all. Eventually I end up discovering that I like one much more than the other, but other times I just fail really hard and don't get to have either.
BACK TO THE COIN ANALOGY: er--real story. So there's this part of me that wants to carve grooves into new coin, or "accidentally" nick it or something. I don't even know if this coin has more than one metal so that might not work as well. THE THING IS: then it wouldn't be the coin I worked so hard to get. It wouldn't be the coin that the (respective) government intended me to have. It would be this bastardized no-longer-legal-tender with uneven grooves and a potentially ugly looking nick on it. Do you see the predicament I'm in?
Theoretically, from here, the most ideal situation would be if I were to write a letter to the Korean government saying something like "Please start putting grooves on your coins" but even if they thought that was a good idea or could read English, there's still a matter of the nick which isn't something that anyone plans for. You can't intentionally do something like that and expect to get the same kind of beauty out of it. Plus, if I got exactly what I wanted I wouldn't be happy because things would be out too perfect. Yeah, I'm sure that doesn't make sense, but [most] coins are made of unmallable metals which, again, is part of their beauty. Solidity. Firmness. If the coin I worked so hard to get just started bending to my will, the efforts I made would be in vain. The price I paid would be meaningless.
Ugh, thanks for listening vastness of the Intertrons. I feel better already. You're always there for me when I need you most. Of course, you're there for me when I need you least too. And I guess you're there when I don't need you at all. In fact, now that I think about it, you're there when I'm sick of you. You really need to just back off. You're starting to creep me out and I just need some space mmkay? How about we go on a break for a while? Maybe see some other people? Oh, now...don't cry. We can still be really good friends, I promise. Oh, but my phone is being weird lately so if it seems like I'm avoiding you or not answering your texts it's totally just my phone. Plus I'm...moving...to Canada, where they don't have phones or technology or communication. Please don't try to find me.
16 January, 2009
The Wedding's Off
Apparently you're not supposed to talk about getting married after just a kiss on the cheek
I really should've seen it coming from a mile away.
It's so hard for me to even tolerate most people, and I have to fake like I like them anyways, so when I find someone I actually can tolerate, I feel like I need to treat them extra special. When there's a girl who I not only can tolerate, but want to tolerate basically all of every day, I can't control myself very well. I'm very excitable. Because of these things, I'm not very well at hiding when I'm crushing on a lady, so I don't try very hard to hide it.
UNFORTUNATELY, my background as a long-time Mormon has my mind very marriage-oriented, and unfortunately, her background as a recent convert wasn't very compatible with the feelings I expressed. It's not like I proposed to her or started talking about what we should name our kids (not like I didn't want to, LOL), but I guess I think about marriage a lot and as I got more and more comfortable with her, I quit holding back so much of what I was thinking. Isn't that awesome? y/n
Not to mention, I'm sure it didn't help when I told her that I love her like...within two days of meeting her for the first time. Us Mormons and throwing around the word 'love'. Or maybe that's just me because I'm a creep. Yeah...that sounds more accurate. I just...First I told her that I liked her a lot and I didn't want her to get the idea that I just meant that I like her as a friend. I guess I really could've just gotten away with saying 'not like a friend', and that would've done a fine job. Oh, and I guess I said it again after the kiss on the cheek. Not directly afterwards, like...a couple of days later...online. I know right? ONLINE. What the heck? It's like I'm loading a pistol, aiming it at my foot, and trying to call the trigger's bluff.
I like to think I'm mature for my age and because of that I only go after ladies that are older than me. Plus, you know...to break the norm. But when a lady tells me that I've got some growing up to do...it stings. I guess it's really self-inflicted though. Despite the fact that I might be real grow'd up in lots of other ways, relationships (with the ladies) is something I'm not an adult about. I'd also like to think that with every failure I'm learning more and more about relationship stuff so that I can be an adult about it in the future somewhere down the line, but I don't...think that's true at all. Until I meet ANOTHER person who's as awesome as I am and just as excitable about relationships, I'm pretty sure I'll be out of luck, but to find that 'special someone' I'll have to go through another million people including (but not limited to): [people like] Lee Robertson*. I could really do without another one of him, not to mention the nine-hundred thousand** other people that I'll have to pretend to like.
WHATEVER, I'll get over it. I always do. Last time what helped a lot was finding someone else to start crushing over and most people would call that a rebound, but totally not for me. I'm really picky and last time it took a year to find her. So I guess it'll take a while, but the fact remains that I will get over it and it might help that I'm caught up in this whole 'survival' mode worrying about what I'm going to eat or how I'm going to pay rent. Hey, I guess I'm probably going to New York for the weekend in a week. What part? LOL IDK.
And now you're probably like "Well I guess we'll see you back in Ohio pretty soon then huh?" NO. First of all, I had to step on a lot of people's faces to get out here and I'm not about to throw that in their...faces. Second of all, I didn't just come out here for a girl, in fact that's only the 1.5th (read: 'first and a halfth') most important reason I came out here. Third, I have a job, and with that comes obligation. I'm obligated to stay out here for the sake of all the kids that I'm doing a terrible job of tutoring. Fourth, I really like it out here. It reminds me a lot of Portland [Oregon] (as far as the geography goes). The ward out here is really nice too. Back in Ohio we definitely met in an alley. Out here we've got a TWO STORY BRICK BUILDING and everyone is so nice. Instead of calling around and trying to find a ride I've got a guy that's actually calling me and being like "You need a ride?" so I'm taken care of pretty well. OH! AND INSTITUTE IS SERVED WITH FOOD! I might have already mentioned that somewhere in the vastness of the internets that I write upon, but I'm a big fan of that. The menu for Wednesday night is NOT bread sammiches plzkthx.
*I usually try and avoid using people's real or full names but if you knew this guy, you would totally know what I'm talking about.
**I hate using number keys and 'nine-hundred ninety-nine thousand nine-hundred ninety-nine' looks and sounds tacky, although pretending to like Lee Robertson should count as having to pretend to like a hundred thousand other people...
I really should've seen it coming from a mile away.
It's so hard for me to even tolerate most people, and I have to fake like I like them anyways, so when I find someone I actually can tolerate, I feel like I need to treat them extra special. When there's a girl who I not only can tolerate, but want to tolerate basically all of every day, I can't control myself very well. I'm very excitable. Because of these things, I'm not very well at hiding when I'm crushing on a lady, so I don't try very hard to hide it.
UNFORTUNATELY, my background as a long-time Mormon has my mind very marriage-oriented, and unfortunately, her background as a recent convert wasn't very compatible with the feelings I expressed. It's not like I proposed to her or started talking about what we should name our kids (not like I didn't want to, LOL), but I guess I think about marriage a lot and as I got more and more comfortable with her, I quit holding back so much of what I was thinking. Isn't that awesome? y/n
Not to mention, I'm sure it didn't help when I told her that I love her like...within two days of meeting her for the first time. Us Mormons and throwing around the word 'love'. Or maybe that's just me because I'm a creep. Yeah...that sounds more accurate. I just...First I told her that I liked her a lot and I didn't want her to get the idea that I just meant that I like her as a friend. I guess I really could've just gotten away with saying 'not like a friend', and that would've done a fine job. Oh, and I guess I said it again after the kiss on the cheek. Not directly afterwards, like...a couple of days later...online. I know right? ONLINE. What the heck? It's like I'm loading a pistol, aiming it at my foot, and trying to call the trigger's bluff.
I like to think I'm mature for my age and because of that I only go after ladies that are older than me. Plus, you know...to break the norm. But when a lady tells me that I've got some growing up to do...it stings. I guess it's really self-inflicted though. Despite the fact that I might be real grow'd up in lots of other ways, relationships (with the ladies) is something I'm not an adult about. I'd also like to think that with every failure I'm learning more and more about relationship stuff so that I can be an adult about it in the future somewhere down the line, but I don't...think that's true at all. Until I meet ANOTHER person who's as awesome as I am and just as excitable about relationships, I'm pretty sure I'll be out of luck, but to find that 'special someone' I'll have to go through another million people including (but not limited to): [people like] Lee Robertson*. I could really do without another one of him, not to mention the nine-hundred thousand** other people that I'll have to pretend to like.
WHATEVER, I'll get over it. I always do. Last time what helped a lot was finding someone else to start crushing over and most people would call that a rebound, but totally not for me. I'm really picky and last time it took a year to find her. So I guess it'll take a while, but the fact remains that I will get over it and it might help that I'm caught up in this whole 'survival' mode worrying about what I'm going to eat or how I'm going to pay rent. Hey, I guess I'm probably going to New York for the weekend in a week. What part? LOL IDK.
And now you're probably like "Well I guess we'll see you back in Ohio pretty soon then huh?" NO. First of all, I had to step on a lot of people's faces to get out here and I'm not about to throw that in their...faces. Second of all, I didn't just come out here for a girl, in fact that's only the 1.5th (read: 'first and a halfth') most important reason I came out here. Third, I have a job, and with that comes obligation. I'm obligated to stay out here for the sake of all the kids that I'm doing a terrible job of tutoring. Fourth, I really like it out here. It reminds me a lot of Portland [Oregon] (as far as the geography goes). The ward out here is really nice too. Back in Ohio we definitely met in an alley. Out here we've got a TWO STORY BRICK BUILDING and everyone is so nice. Instead of calling around and trying to find a ride I've got a guy that's actually calling me and being like "You need a ride?" so I'm taken care of pretty well. OH! AND INSTITUTE IS SERVED WITH FOOD! I might have already mentioned that somewhere in the vastness of the internets that I write upon, but I'm a big fan of that. The menu for Wednesday night is NOT bread sammiches plzkthx.
*I usually try and avoid using people's real or full names but if you knew this guy, you would totally know what I'm talking about.
**I hate using number keys and 'nine-hundred ninety-nine thousand nine-hundred ninety-nine' looks and sounds tacky, although pretending to like Lee Robertson should count as having to pretend to like a hundred thousand other people...
15 January, 2009
Yeah I deleted your comment, what about it?
Let me tell to you why that is...
Honestly it was a reflex. I want to say "I'm not trying to hide from you or anything..." but I totally am and that would be lying. I tried not hiding and actually talking to you and this is how that went:
"lol, remember that time that you could have been lying about that one thing or maybe you weren't even?"
"OMG NOT LYING! I'm offended that you think that!"
"Calm down woman, I was just saying--"
"I'M ANOREXIC BECAUSE OF YOU!"
"Excuse me?"
"Rachael's best friend's mom's new husband's first grandchild said you called me fat one time."
"Wow, I...don't think that's true at all."
"LIAR."
Sure I exaggerated, but I got all the main points. You'll probably look completely past that and focus on the fact that I exaggerated. That's cool. And I'm probably a terrible person for even delving into this, but really I'm so desensitized to it and I totally need to get this off my chest. I've been...not mean for too long. The point is, it's just a little unfair to get offended at things that I'm not allowed to. Like lying. Also, anorexia is a mental disorder and can't be inflicted by any outside source. So even if I did call you fat, which I totally still deny, your anorexia is your own fault. So there. Besides, you were never fat. Maybe overweight or plus sized, but fat people are the kind that need scooters because their legs can't carry them anymore. I told you that. I told you that a hundred thousand times and you just wouldn't believe me. I hated that.
Whatever
-That One Guy
Honestly it was a reflex. I want to say "I'm not trying to hide from you or anything..." but I totally am and that would be lying. I tried not hiding and actually talking to you and this is how that went:
"lol, remember that time that you could have been lying about that one thing or maybe you weren't even?"
"OMG NOT LYING! I'm offended that you think that!"
"Calm down woman, I was just saying--"
"I'M ANOREXIC BECAUSE OF YOU!"
"Excuse me?"
"Rachael's best friend's mom's new husband's first grandchild said you called me fat one time."
"Wow, I...don't think that's true at all."
"LIAR."
Sure I exaggerated, but I got all the main points. You'll probably look completely past that and focus on the fact that I exaggerated. That's cool. And I'm probably a terrible person for even delving into this, but really I'm so desensitized to it and I totally need to get this off my chest. I've been...not mean for too long. The point is, it's just a little unfair to get offended at things that I'm not allowed to. Like lying. Also, anorexia is a mental disorder and can't be inflicted by any outside source. So even if I did call you fat, which I totally still deny, your anorexia is your own fault. So there. Besides, you were never fat. Maybe overweight or plus sized, but fat people are the kind that need scooters because their legs can't carry them anymore. I told you that. I told you that a hundred thousand times and you just wouldn't believe me. I hated that.
Whatever
-That One Guy
10 January, 2009
Going home today...
Today I have to catch a bus back to my place in Pittsburgh, and that wouldn't be SO bad, but I don't know the next chance I'll get to see this girl. Things are happening, people are changing, and I don't know when I'll get to experience the fury of last night. It will happen again. I'm sure of it, I'm just not sure of when and that makes me sad.
Things other than that are going splendidly. I'm not thinking so hard about things and I'm getting more comfortable. I'm kind of just going to take a gamble and play it assuming that she's as into me as I'm into her. Well...except the whole 'she can't commit' thing, which is totally cool. I'm not trying to bash or nothing. I understand the situation she's in and I don't want her to 'commit' to anything in an emotional flurry and then regret it when things calm down.
I don't even know. What kind of 'committing' am I looking for if at all? I guess the only commitment I could see happening is marriage. LOL, I'm such a creep. But no, what was I saying? Courtship isn't any kind of commitment. Like if we started getting really serious and into each other like calling each other 'darling' and 'sweetheart' and just being around each other all the time, and she ended up leaving me for some other guy, I'd just be okay with it. Like, and I'd hope she would do the same for me, not that I could imagine leaving her, or that anyone more excellent exists. Plus, if we're spending tons and tons of time together, it would be pretty hard for me to actually meet someone, and work up to the same level and eventually surpass. Things would have to move alarmingly fast, and I hate hurting the feelings of people I love so to even investigate another woman would take a LOT of excellent. the kind of excellent that just percolates and everyone around can feel it. Whatever, I just don't see it happening, and because of my confusion and lack of understanding as to why I'm attractive, I could just...accept life if things didn't work out with her. Life happens. I'd hate to keep her away from a more excellent pairing with another guy. Otherwise it'd be like living a nightmare everyday when you just can't stop asking yourself "Would life be better if I married some other guy?"
I'm talking way too much. I definitely only got...four and a half hours of sleep. that's actually pretty good.
Things other than that are going splendidly. I'm not thinking so hard about things and I'm getting more comfortable. I'm kind of just going to take a gamble and play it assuming that she's as into me as I'm into her. Well...except the whole 'she can't commit' thing, which is totally cool. I'm not trying to bash or nothing. I understand the situation she's in and I don't want her to 'commit' to anything in an emotional flurry and then regret it when things calm down.
I don't even know. What kind of 'committing' am I looking for if at all? I guess the only commitment I could see happening is marriage. LOL, I'm such a creep. But no, what was I saying? Courtship isn't any kind of commitment. Like if we started getting really serious and into each other like calling each other 'darling' and 'sweetheart' and just being around each other all the time, and she ended up leaving me for some other guy, I'd just be okay with it. Like, and I'd hope she would do the same for me, not that I could imagine leaving her, or that anyone more excellent exists. Plus, if we're spending tons and tons of time together, it would be pretty hard for me to actually meet someone, and work up to the same level and eventually surpass. Things would have to move alarmingly fast, and I hate hurting the feelings of people I love so to even investigate another woman would take a LOT of excellent. the kind of excellent that just percolates and everyone around can feel it. Whatever, I just don't see it happening, and because of my confusion and lack of understanding as to why I'm attractive, I could just...accept life if things didn't work out with her. Life happens. I'd hate to keep her away from a more excellent pairing with another guy. Otherwise it'd be like living a nightmare everyday when you just can't stop asking yourself "Would life be better if I married some other guy?"
I'm talking way too much. I definitely only got...four and a half hours of sleep. that's actually pretty good.
09 January, 2009
OMG KISS ON T3H CHEEK FTW
So liek, wow dawg. Last night? It was just about the raddest thing ever. Me and this girl were like cuddle-tastic-ing all up in the hizzle and I was planning on giving her a kiss on the cheek, but SHE BEAT ME TO IT! Which is both awesome and...slightly frustrating at the same time. I say 'slightly' because I'm shaking my fist, but I've got a grin from ear to ear, you know? I can hide the progress (positive or negative) from Facebook and all, but I really can't help but to say something about it here. It's just like...I'm exploding with...explosive madness.
I thought things would be easier when/if this happened, but now I'm thinking too harder about everything...All this time I've just been focusing on all the wonderful things about her. I even made a list! TWICE! But now I'm like "Huzzah! Solid evidence that she's interested in me!" but I just...can't figure out why. Yeah, that sounds depressing or like I'm begging for attention like "She's so great and I'm just blah." (ooh, that should be a song) but I'm tying to take a logical standpoint on this and I just can't...figure out...what traits I have that are attractive. I might actually be some kind of handsome, but even then, I don't...can't tell...what she sees in me. Now I'm back to square one asking myself "How into me is she?" but with the added "WHY COMES?!"
Like...we talk a lot. All the time actually. IRL we usually just watch stuff, except for last night when we cuddled for FIVE HOURS. It was so...great. Wait, back to me: I guess I...am fun to talk to maybe? That's all I can really think of. I can kind of imagine that, but I don't think it merits a kiss on the cheek. Maybe that's cause I'm overly critical of myself being me and all.
WHATEVER: I enjoyed it. It definitely woke me up after starting to fall asleep. I need to quit thinking so much about the future and start thinking about the now. Right now I'm at this girl's house and I'm loving every minute of it. Even the minutes where she's still asleep. I think I've written enough now.
I thought things would be easier when/if this happened, but now I'm thinking too harder about everything...All this time I've just been focusing on all the wonderful things about her. I even made a list! TWICE! But now I'm like "Huzzah! Solid evidence that she's interested in me!" but I just...can't figure out why. Yeah, that sounds depressing or like I'm begging for attention like "She's so great and I'm just blah." (ooh, that should be a song) but I'm tying to take a logical standpoint on this and I just can't...figure out...what traits I have that are attractive. I might actually be some kind of handsome, but even then, I don't...can't tell...what she sees in me. Now I'm back to square one asking myself "How into me is she?" but with the added "WHY COMES?!"
Like...we talk a lot. All the time actually. IRL we usually just watch stuff, except for last night when we cuddled for FIVE HOURS. It was so...great. Wait, back to me: I guess I...am fun to talk to maybe? That's all I can really think of. I can kind of imagine that, but I don't think it merits a kiss on the cheek. Maybe that's cause I'm overly critical of myself being me and all.
WHATEVER: I enjoyed it. It definitely woke me up after starting to fall asleep. I need to quit thinking so much about the future and start thinking about the now. Right now I'm at this girl's house and I'm loving every minute of it. Even the minutes where she's still asleep. I think I've written enough now.
08 January, 2009
1st Day on the Job
[exerpt from 01/05/09]
LOL, today was my first day on the job (as an afterschool tutor for middle school). "What subject?" everyone asks me. Well all subjects mmkay? All of them except spelling the word 'character' apparently. I had a lively chat with a couple of my co-workers and I discovered the true meaning of teaching children. Apparently, if I go into the education field, I have the following things to look forward to (as defined by those who went before me):
1.) Getting fired from 4th grade
2.) Working 4 hours a week at an afterschool programme
3.) Looking for a 2nd job
4.) Collecting Unemployment
5.) Only owning one shirt
I can't wait. No, but seriously, for ten bucks an hour all I've really got to do is explain how con'tractions work and tell them to "Shh..." Of course, the guy who I was learning from (meeting all of the above criteria) had an iron fist and was really keeping the kids from walking all over him. I admired it, but at the same time I was intimidated by what I have to live up to. Also, none of the kids are white. I don't think I've ever been in a situation like that save it were for the bus ride over there. This whole thing is quite the adventure.
So this girl whom I'm particularly fond of...I'd like to see her more. One of the problems is that I've projected that putting in my four hours a week won't give me enough income to see her at all let alone buy food or pay rent. Once that's fixed, then I'm looking at not having any time to visit her. What the heck? I hate problems like this because in the end I always lose. Usually I'd run away or start fresh somehow, but I'm not 19 anymore. Not only that, but I have MOTIVATION. Can you believe that? I can't, but it's true. I've never wanted to stay in an area more than I do right now with where I am. Oh, and to the above list I'd like to add one from my own experience:
6.) writing blog entries and Facebook notes ahead of time so you can post them when you finally get a wireless connection.
Yeah, I'm pretty pathetic. Also, the rent for this huge place is $400 a month. I don't need this much room and I definitely don't need that kind of price, youknowwhatI'msaying? Of course, $400 a month sounds pretty normal for here, even for a studio apartment. Either way, I'd be paying that on top of the utilities, and heating a closet is cheaper than heating a two floor unit with a basement. Whatevs. I'll look for alternatives closer towards the end of the month.
And that's how shoes are made! I mean...and that's what's new with me.
LOL, today was my first day on the job (as an afterschool tutor for middle school). "What subject?" everyone asks me. Well all subjects mmkay? All of them except spelling the word 'character' apparently. I had a lively chat with a couple of my co-workers and I discovered the true meaning of teaching children. Apparently, if I go into the education field, I have the following things to look forward to (as defined by those who went before me):
1.) Getting fired from 4th grade
2.) Working 4 hours a week at an afterschool programme
3.) Looking for a 2nd job
4.) Collecting Unemployment
5.) Only owning one shirt
I can't wait. No, but seriously, for ten bucks an hour all I've really got to do is explain how con'tractions work and tell them to "Shh..." Of course, the guy who I was learning from (meeting all of the above criteria) had an iron fist and was really keeping the kids from walking all over him. I admired it, but at the same time I was intimidated by what I have to live up to. Also, none of the kids are white. I don't think I've ever been in a situation like that save it were for the bus ride over there. This whole thing is quite the adventure.
So this girl whom I'm particularly fond of...I'd like to see her more. One of the problems is that I've projected that putting in my four hours a week won't give me enough income to see her at all let alone buy food or pay rent. Once that's fixed, then I'm looking at not having any time to visit her. What the heck? I hate problems like this because in the end I always lose. Usually I'd run away or start fresh somehow, but I'm not 19 anymore. Not only that, but I have MOTIVATION. Can you believe that? I can't, but it's true. I've never wanted to stay in an area more than I do right now with where I am. Oh, and to the above list I'd like to add one from my own experience:
6.) writing blog entries and Facebook notes ahead of time so you can post them when you finally get a wireless connection.
Yeah, I'm pretty pathetic. Also, the rent for this huge place is $400 a month. I don't need this much room and I definitely don't need that kind of price, youknowwhatI'msaying? Of course, $400 a month sounds pretty normal for here, even for a studio apartment. Either way, I'd be paying that on top of the utilities, and heating a closet is cheaper than heating a two floor unit with a basement. Whatevs. I'll look for alternatives closer towards the end of the month.
And that's how shoes are made! I mean...and that's what's new with me.
03 January, 2009
P . S .
When I saw this girl at the YSAC 260 miles away...I never thought I'd be where I am now doing the things I'm doing. I never thought I'd meet her IRL--or even talk to her, let alone, come to visit her at her house and stroll around the park holding hands. I never thought I'd be sitting on her couch holding her in my arms. I just--wow. Now I know what things are like when you go out of your way to make them happen. She's got this...cute little frame that it's just so awesome to have my arms wrapped around. Needless to say, I'm really happy right now. I'm also trying pretty hard to not get so attached...although...some might say that I already am. I know that things are never for certain, and when I think about it, I'm not sure I'd really want to start anything with the situation I'm in right now. I'm just living in the now, and the now is pretty much amazing. If things suck later, then they'll just have to wait for 'now' to finish happening.
Blearg. I win at enjoying life...for now...
An easily-kissed girl isn't worth kissing, and a girl worth kissing isn't easily-kissed. You know what I'm saying?
Blearg. I win at enjoying life...for now...
An easily-kissed girl isn't worth kissing, and a girl worth kissing isn't easily-kissed. You know what I'm saying?
01 January, 2009
The Webbernets
Pokémon Snap will just have to get over it...
So, for those of you who don't already know, I'm in Pittsburgh. I'm telling you here 'cause if you were a real friend, you'd check here, so you'd deserve to know. I'm going to be living here for at least a month, hopefully longer. Lemme tell you all about everything:
1.) I live at 5320 Kincaid St. in Pittsburgh, PA. It's a magical neighbourhood where everyone is awake all the time and all own very nice looking SUVs. Also, white people don't abound as much as in the neighbourhoods I'm used to if you know what I mean.
2.) It has two rooms and two floors that I don't think I need. Rent is 400$ + utilities starting next month. This month, it's just utilities.
3.) I could use anywhere from 2 to 5 room mates.
4.) The red awning isn't as nice as it was when google maps was documenting it.
5.) The nearest grocery store sells pineapple soda. That's pretty much amazing.
6.) Downtown Pittsburgh helps me realize the significance of earthquakes in heavily populated areas.
7.) Downtown Pittsburgh helps me realize the importance of maps.
Funny Story:
Using the Intertrons, I found out about a YSAC in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
While I was there I saw a girl.
Using said Intertrons, I talked with said girl for three months (visiting once).
Using said Intertrons, I found a job (in aforementioned Pittsbrugh)
Using said Intertrons, I found a place to live (in aforementioned Pittsburgh)
Now, the nearest neighbour I have is a 77 year old black lady to my right, two doors down. The house between us is boarded up, and the three houses on my left side are boarded up as well. I have no intertrons anymore. I can't use it at the library until I have a library card and I can't get one of those until I can get a Pittsburgh driver's license with my "current address" on it. Isn't that awesome? This will take some getting used to. I'm using the Intertrons at aforementioned girl's house, trying to devise a plan to get back to aforementioned Pittsburgh (she lives in Washington, Pennsylvania which is outside of the busline by quite a ways). The Busses don't run today anyways 'cause it's New Years or some junk.
(P.S. She's amazing)
So, for those of you who don't already know, I'm in Pittsburgh. I'm telling you here 'cause if you were a real friend, you'd check here, so you'd deserve to know. I'm going to be living here for at least a month, hopefully longer. Lemme tell you all about everything:
1.) I live at 5320 Kincaid St. in Pittsburgh, PA. It's a magical neighbourhood where everyone is awake all the time and all own very nice looking SUVs. Also, white people don't abound as much as in the neighbourhoods I'm used to if you know what I mean.
2.) It has two rooms and two floors that I don't think I need. Rent is 400$ + utilities starting next month. This month, it's just utilities.
3.) I could use anywhere from 2 to 5 room mates.
4.) The red awning isn't as nice as it was when google maps was documenting it.
5.) The nearest grocery store sells pineapple soda. That's pretty much amazing.
6.) Downtown Pittsburgh helps me realize the significance of earthquakes in heavily populated areas.
7.) Downtown Pittsburgh helps me realize the importance of maps.
Funny Story:
Using the Intertrons, I found out about a YSAC in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
While I was there I saw a girl.
Using said Intertrons, I talked with said girl for three months (visiting once).
Using said Intertrons, I found a job (in aforementioned Pittsbrugh)
Using said Intertrons, I found a place to live (in aforementioned Pittsburgh)
Now, the nearest neighbour I have is a 77 year old black lady to my right, two doors down. The house between us is boarded up, and the three houses on my left side are boarded up as well. I have no intertrons anymore. I can't use it at the library until I have a library card and I can't get one of those until I can get a Pittsburgh driver's license with my "current address" on it. Isn't that awesome? This will take some getting used to. I'm using the Intertrons at aforementioned girl's house, trying to devise a plan to get back to aforementioned Pittsburgh (she lives in Washington, Pennsylvania which is outside of the busline by quite a ways). The Busses don't run today anyways 'cause it's New Years or some junk.
(P.S. She's amazing)
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