Four sides of the same coin

two-sided coins was for back when dinosaurs roamed the earth

So there's this coin that I have. OMG posessive verbs. Yes, I collect weird coins (and weirdly collect coins). I appreciate the beauty of weird things like coins and bridges and concrete stairs. Anyways, this coin has two sides: one side is fandsome (because it has a face on it) and the other side is functional, like...having a building on it--or something. I won't give away too much about it right now. I can't afford to have you hearing about it and come and try and steal it away from me. I'll just say that this coin is desirable above all other coins (of this type), and it took me a lot of time and effort to find it/acquire it (for a coin anyways, LOL). So I go through all this nonsensical madness to attain ownership of said coin and I totally got what I paid for...if you consider time and effort to be a price...if that makes sense... What I'm trying to say is that I enjoy the beauty of this coin, but I also enjoy the beauty of what it took to get it. Strangely enough, the two are directly influenced by each other.

So there's this other coin that I used to have. We'll call it 'old coin' and refer to the first coin I mentioned as 'new coin'. I kind of had to spend it for the sake of this other coin and at the time I was like "Yeah, that's cool. I've had enough of this one and I'm fairly certain its had enough of me. LOL." Not like I hated the coin, I just didn't appreciate it as much cause I just found it one day...or whatever. I don't remember exactly how that went. I'm sure I was planning on writing about my coin finding endeavours in my journal that night but it just slipped my mind.

So anyways, I'm having a great time with this new coin, playing sports on the weekends and ditching school to see movies on the weekdays with it, and I wouldn't spend it FOR THE WORLD. Sometimes, however, my thoughts turn to old coin and while I wouldn't want to have it back, there are things about it that I really enjoyed, like...there was this nick on the front of it that like, showed that the coin was made of two different metals. Oh! And grooves! New coin is smooth on the edge and has a spotless complexion (for the most part). These are attributes are kind of opposites, but equally attractive, and there are more, but those are just two that came to mind

IDK, I have this messed up mindset where I see a 'good' and 'better' (and sometimes 'best' is thrown in there) or sometimes it's not even that. Sometimes it's a choice between 'awesome' and 'terrible' no wait, that's a bad example. Those two actually mix pretty well. Let's say a choice between... 'fabulous' and 'unfabulous' and my mindset be's like "WHY CAN'T YOU HAVE BOTH?!" and I'm like "Hey yeah..." so I try to have the two living in perfect harmony when they just don't mix at all. Eventually I end up discovering that I like one much more than the other, but other times I just fail really hard and don't get to have either.

BACK TO THE COIN ANALOGY: er--real story. So there's this part of me that wants to carve grooves into new coin, or "accidentally" nick it or something. I don't even know if this coin has more than one metal so that might not work as well. THE THING IS: then it wouldn't be the coin I worked so hard to get. It wouldn't be the coin that the (respective) government intended me to have. It would be this bastardized no-longer-legal-tender with uneven grooves and a potentially ugly looking nick on it. Do you see the predicament I'm in?

Theoretically, from here, the most ideal situation would be if I were to write a letter to the Korean government saying something like "Please start putting grooves on your coins" but even if they thought that was a good idea or could read English, there's still a matter of the nick which isn't something that anyone plans for. You can't intentionally do something like that and expect to get the same kind of beauty out of it. Plus, if I got exactly what I wanted I wouldn't be happy because things would be out too perfect. Yeah, I'm sure that doesn't make sense, but [most] coins are made of unmallable metals which, again, is part of their beauty. Solidity. Firmness. If the coin I worked so hard to get just started bending to my will, the efforts I made would be in vain. The price I paid would be meaningless.

Ugh, thanks for listening vastness of the Intertrons. I feel better already. You're always there for me when I need you most. Of course, you're there for me when I need you least too. And I guess you're there when I don't need you at all. In fact, now that I think about it, you're there when I'm sick of you. You really need to just back off. You're starting to creep me out and I just need some space mmkay? How about we go on a break for a while? Maybe see some other people? Oh, now...don't cry. We can still be really good friends, I promise. Oh, but my phone is being weird lately so if it seems like I'm avoiding you or not answering your texts it's totally just my phone. Plus I'm...moving...to Canada, where they don't have phones or technology or communication. Please don't try to find me.