Going home today...

Today I have to catch a bus back to my place in Pittsburgh, and that wouldn't be SO bad, but I don't know the next chance I'll get to see this girl. Things are happening, people are changing, and I don't know when I'll get to experience the fury of last night. It will happen again. I'm sure of it, I'm just not sure of when and that makes me sad.

Things other than that are going splendidly. I'm not thinking so hard about things and I'm getting more comfortable. I'm kind of just going to take a gamble and play it assuming that she's as into me as I'm into her. Well...except the whole 'she can't commit' thing, which is totally cool. I'm not trying to bash or nothing. I understand the situation she's in and I don't want her to 'commit' to anything in an emotional flurry and then regret it when things calm down.

I don't even know. What kind of 'committing' am I looking for if at all? I guess the only commitment I could see happening is marriage. LOL, I'm such a creep. But no, what was I saying? Courtship isn't any kind of commitment. Like if we started getting really serious and into each other like calling each other 'darling' and 'sweetheart' and just being around each other all the time, and she ended up leaving me for some other guy, I'd just be okay with it. Like, and I'd hope she would do the same for me, not that I could imagine leaving her, or that anyone more excellent exists. Plus, if we're spending tons and tons of time together, it would be pretty hard for me to actually meet someone, and work up to the same level and eventually surpass. Things would have to move alarmingly fast, and I hate hurting the feelings of people I love so to even investigate another woman would take a LOT of excellent. the kind of excellent that just percolates and everyone around can feel it. Whatever, I just don't see it happening, and because of my confusion and lack of understanding as to why I'm attractive, I could just...accept life if things didn't work out with her. Life happens. I'd hate to keep her away from a more excellent pairing with another guy. Otherwise it'd be like living a nightmare everyday when you just can't stop asking yourself "Would life be better if I married some other guy?"

I'm talking way too much. I definitely only got...four and a half hours of sleep. that's actually pretty good.