I Just Can't Figure Things Out

It's been four years since I graduated high school. You know what that means? That means while others have gone on to get their four-year degrees I've sat around being like "What do I want to do when I grow up?"

Right now I'm leaning towards a major in Music but THAT MEANS NOTHING because I've 'leaned' this way or that about a hundred times in the past four years and it hasn't gotten me anywhere. As much as I'd like to simplify it into 'Just pick something and stick with it' I've found myself to be a purist of sorts and am against anyone majoring in anything they aren't naturally skilled at. Also, in these past four years, I've found that I'm not naturally (or unnaturally) skilled at anything. Quite the predicament.

Marriage. At least I have that going for me right? Well my wife is mad at me because I can't think and do anything else at the same time, which is kind of a problem even outside of married life. So now I can't go back to bed and deal with these things tonight because she has to get some sleep and go to school early tomorrow morning. ON THE OTHER HAND, I can't stay away from bed because that will only make things worse. No matter what I do, I'll be doing it wrong.

I need to quit doing what I FEEL like and start doing what I NEED TO DO AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS because for me, thinking is like an effort that requires absolutely every fibre of my being to do, and I just can't afford to do that all the time.

Probably because I forget to eat, and that keeps me weak.

I'm a fool.